Book called What Will Stay After

unclear where to go
Local people have different sayings and invite us for lunch
Today they say to go to volcano not possible
not possible crazy
tomorrow possible today crazy

saturday Night humid
and nervous.
Even in a small village on the road.
Car we borrow from friends
“only the heating is not working”.
We are laughing.
outside 40° or more

on volcano there are two lakes
moon and sun
two small craters
during the eruption or explosion
lakes flying to the sky like cork
then the rest – red, horrible, hot

two small craters –
two black eyes to the womb of the earth
we must go,
Losia, Oleg, Lena and I
In the village we buy Tequilla from the black door

They`re selling in hesitation
“mexican don’t drink much now,
very less, soon we don’t have alcohol at all,
our power coming back ”

shops are closed,
under the door are two huge onion bulbs,
we take,
suddenly – rain, like a roar, jubiliation, a revelation,
then finished
now red sun, sunset,
“there, there - one man is pointing and laughing - you didn’t see it? There, is volcano!”
We look in the darkness. We cant see

There will be no more villages on the road. Its clear.
The hunched road goes upward in a spiral, will it lead us to volcano, we hope so
we have a bad map
in the car we find a better one
“wait” says Alexei “its not so easy
at 3900 above sea level”

abyss edge of the mountain cliffs.
the car leans to the mountain and crawls upward.
There is no place to turn.
Suddenly the wheels spin, we stop.
I open the door and ice winds throw me back to the car,

I remember expedition of Rehrick and freezing rider in the saddle… on the road ice, and very very cold, there is no heating it is abscent and we can go only upward, we are in tshirts we are alone and we do not know exactly where,
good exercise Oleg says

we give for Lena three posters and plastic bags to cover her legs
its instead of Tequila and we forgot we have tequila
ahhhhhhh we forgot, car is staying still and it seems to us we think about something but actually we drink Tequilla and eat onion
Alexa decides to smoke and we do not kick him from the car

I slowly start to drive I am drunk
The car is slipping sliding on the ice
But we cannot spend the night in the car
We will die it is clear
Maybe there is something above us, in front of us, village place to sleep, something
Now around us not
Now around us is snow
Extremely sharp corner impossible to turn

Lena keeps the hand brake and we by pushing and jumping turn the back of the car, electro mast, tower of power, electricity, civilization, its like we suddenly see the power, I break something under the steering wheel so we can have the warm air from the engine and we fall asleep
And not one of us even think that the benzene can be finished

Sun arrives like the life, we screaming and singing like birds
Running, that’s what they mean, first you almost died and then sun is coming and you will be crazy, we find ourselves on the summit of the volcano
We pass in darkness all security checks, posts…..

Immediately hot, suddenly hot, boooom, immediately by following Derevo rules we are running in different directions until the evening
Then undescribable beauty of the world, shining discipline of the world, (lena) I lay down on my back next to eye-craters, sleep

I wake up because I am wet, but no rain, I had pissed in my pants,
And my face wet as well, I had been crying asleep, I did not know that you could cry in dreams, everything drained out of me….
Then I make the decision to cross the crater of moon
My tears and urine went to the depths